It was in the year 1978. I was studying in the 12th standard when a family came from Tamil Nadu seeking a bride for one of my relatives. They also happened to be our distant relatives ( maybe seventh or eighth link from my maternal side in the family tree). We soon heard that the bridegroom was interested in the chirpy bubbly girl who was running to a maths tuition class ( it happened to be me!) that was from where the discussions between the two families started.
I was 17 when I met Mr. Ravikumar who was 26. When my parents informed me that the bridegroom was interested in marrying me I was quite open to the idea of marriage. I liked the bridegroom. He was tall, dark and handsome and had a great smile!! I was quite bold however to say that I had some demands / CONDITIONS for marriage.
1) The person has to be mandatory, a born again Christian
2) The person has to necessarily be a teetotaler
3) I must be attracted to him physically.
Mr Ravikumar claimed to have cleared all these three criteria and so I agreed to marry him. We got
talking with each other. Ideas of compatibility were woven into the conversation. There was not even a iota of negative thought.
I was not greatly involved in the wedding preparations. My parents designed the card, booked the reception hall, planned the menu, invited guests… it was herculean task for them as they did everything they thought would be the best for themselves and everyone.in was truly arranged.. all I had to do was get married in church .
It was only after marriage I understand what married life and starting a family meant as the bridegrooms family started doling out their role expectations of a daughter in law.
It is 36 years now and life has been happy, sad, difficult, overwhelming and satisfying.
“expectations lead to disappointments. Acceptance of the person helps one to evolve strategies to help
find solutions to cope’". This is what I have learnt over the years and would like to share with those who are preparing for marriage.
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