The 3 years short of a decade wait

Every girl dreams of it since her childhood.
From the time she sees her beautiful mother and wants to be just like her
         The time her father calls her his princess and is protective over her
         The time she watches Disney movies and wants to be a real princess herself
         The time she has her first crush
         The time she has her first love...
She dreams of it. She dreams of her big wedding day.
And this is my story from the beginning to my beautiful big wedding day.

January 2008 - After all those post-adolescent troubles I had been through (I pity my parents) I was ready to be a mature woman for once (or that is what I thought). But, I never realized that the more I matured, the more the trouble there was for my parents.

90% of us Indians have an arranged marriage, with most of them being married off right from the ripe age of 21 to 24. And as of January of 2008 I was a born again believer, 21 years of age, and I had just newly stepped into this world of being a 'prospective bride'. Proposals would come and proposals would go, your profile would be rejected a few times and you get the joy of rejecting others too (That is how I saw it then). But little did I know that this journey that had begun then would last just 3 years short of a decade.

In the beginning of it all, I was asked to do two things. Coming from a God-fearing and God-honoring family I was asked to make a list of the things I would like in my future husband and secondly, to pray over the list. Obviously, looking back at my list I am so embarrassed at my silliness. (I have shared a picture of my list - Then and now). Back then my entire focus was on my family (how I want it to be and how I want him to be to fit my existing family). The only specific thing I had asked for in him was that he should sing or play the guitar. (Pretty sure Extreme's more than words caused this effect on me)

Anyway, my family and I met a couple of grooms and their families in this period and all the guy and I just did was giving each other super awkward looks while the families would gel and bond over south Indian filter coffee and common friends (All those who know what I am talking about say Aye!). Anyhow, by God's grace He blessed me with a very wise and smart family who not only prayed for me and pushed me to do the right thing, they gave me the freedom to veto a proposal. And despite having begun the process of praying for my marriage, by now, I was discouraged. It was close to the end of 2011 and I was so fed up and did not want anything to do with marriage.

Fast-forward to 2014 - By now I was in Chicago, living a single and beautiful life as a student of Moody Theological Seminary (another dream of mine) and obviously I had forgotten to pray for my marriage by now for many years. I did not want to, neither did I have to. But God did not let me sit quietly. January 1st 2014 I felt God nudge me in my prayers to seek Him in my marriage. He knew that I did feel lonely, especially being far away from home. He knew I was feeling the pressure of finding the right one as a older woman. He knew my insecurities in this topic. He knew every painful thing I had been through in life but still here He was pushing me to pray for my own marriage and thus, I did. My first conversation with God went like this. "Ok Dad, I know you want me to pray about it, but what should I pray? I have no clue. I cannot even stand to talk about it. You know me!" The process of praying continued and along with me was my entire family. My parents, my younger sister, my cousins, my aunts and uncles, room mates, and prayer partners. And now it was Summer of 2014 and finally I get to go back home to India. Wheeeeeeeeee!!! But by this time went back on my commitment to pray about my marriage while my family continued.

A couple of days after my arrival in India, the topic of marriage comes back again. At 3:00 AM while we are on a holiday in the midst of the Mudumalai forests my mother begins her saga "There is this guy called Satish. We (my entire family) have inquired about him (Yeah Yeah, FBI will probably lose hollow when compared to the investigations families do on the prospective bride and grooms and their families). He comes from a Hindu family but one who has been saved for 12 years. He is someone with a strong commitment to serving the Lord and in many ways of what we hear of him, he could be a perfect match for you". My reply to this "I am jet lagged and I am going to bed!".

First of all, this proposal had come through a matrimonial website and this made me furious!!! Satish, being the only believer in his family had sent up a profile for himself while my cousins (Priya and gang) had set up a profile for me which I had no clue about for a long time. But in this proposal I saw how my entire family was prayerful in seeking the partner for me. Each of them had their close walk with the Lord and together they sought God's wisdom for me. And thus started the conversation between my family and Satish and his spiritual mentors. My uncle , Rev C.A. Benjamin was the first one after Priya to talk to Satish and they both really seemed to like him. Finally, after about a week of praying about it Satish and I started talking to each other over text messages and telephone calls. He was in Philadelphia, USA and I was in India for the summer. There were times when I was close to saying NO to him (Satish can personally testify to this), not because I found something wrong with him, but for the simple reason that I was scared. I was scared that I will get hurt and I did not want that, but my family encouraged me to pray about it and they said that if I felt that God did not want me to go ahead with this, they will stand by me in this decision. This gave me a lot of confidence. Finally after about 3 weeks of communicating with each other of which most of the time I was trying to push him away, not once did Satish ask me what was wrong, or what is causing me to do or say those things. Out of curiosity, I asked him "How is it that not once have you asked why I am acting like this, especially knowing that I am trying to push you away?". He replied "I understand you could have been through a lot in life, but that is in no way going to affect my marriage to you. I will never inquire of those things but if you feel like sharing it with me, I am ready to listen." This is something to which I can attest to this day, that after being with this guy for 13 months now, not once has he asked me anything about the things I have felt shame and guilt over. Instead, he has helped me overcome all those fears with love. A process that still continues and grows everyday.

Yes, a week from the time he told me those words, Satish and I agreed to marry each other on the 13th of July 2014. He had flown into to Chicago when I came back to the states to see me, we met for a day and by the end of it our answers were a "Yes" to each other. Honestly, I did not find him attractive or handsome "then":-), I did not have any emotional connection with him, I just felt that He was a really nice guy and I did not find anything in him I can say no to. I felt that God was in this relationship, I felt His powerful hand upon this. And I knew I had my family and friends around praying for me and that I was not alone. That same night I prayed and asked God to help me fall in love with this guy someday and I did, soon after :-). We got married after 9 months of courtship on the 18th of April 2015 and before I came back to start our life together, my mother gave me this tiny and crushed piece of paper. It was the list I had written 7 years back,before it all began. My poor but wonderful mother has been praying over it for all these years and finally all our dreams came true, 3 years short of a decade late.